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Husband-turned-roommate? Let’s get you out of it!

Dear Eliza, My husband and I barely hang out anymore. We love each other but I feel like I am living with my roommate, is this life now?

Letter from Eliza:

Hi there,

Seems like you’ve landed yourself in a classic married-life situation, haven’t you? But hey, I’m all ears, ready to help you out of your husband-turned-roommate saga.

To begin with, please understand that your circumstance is not unusual. Similar to how the seasons change, relationships do too. The initial passion of a new relationship may develop into a calm when feelings simmer beneath the surface as opposed to frequently bursting in fireworks. Understanding and accepting this growth are crucial.

However, there are some things you can do to work it out. How about we create an action plan to help you bring back the vibrancy into your relationship?

  1. Quality Time >>> Being together 24/7Spending all your time together might feel like a great idea. Scheduled date nights are awesome too, but let us redefine them. Add spontaneity within this structure – surprise each other with activities you have never attempted before but have always wanted to do together. This could be activities as simple as attending art classes, exploring hiking trails, or anything different that you enjoy together as a couple. Embarking on shared experiences can rekindle the sense of adventure in a relationship as opposed to doing the same things over and over again. 
  2. Open Communication Over Expecting Your Partner To Know-It-All – It’s nice to know that your partner understands you and will automatically know what you are thinking but remember, the heart and mind are not always in alignment. Engage in heartfelt conversations, unveil your thoughts, aspirations, and even uncertainties. Give your partner a glimpse into your inner world, and encourage the same openness from their end. It’s important to express yourself, let it out, and be your authentic self. So, pour a glass of wine (or whatever floats your boat), plop down on the couch, and start a real conversation – sans distractions. No more “How was your day?” followed by an hour of scrolling. Talk openly and with excitement.
  3. Encourage Playfulness – Laughter is like a secret code that only you two understand. Use it to your advantage! Fill your days with laughter. Shared laughing has a unique capacity to dissolve any boundaries that may have formed. Engage in things that bring you true delight, such as board games and living room dance-offs.
  4. Revisit and Celebrate Your Relationship Milestones – Why not take a stroll down memory lane? Revisit places and milestones that shaped your story together. Each memory holds a touch of magic that can rekindle your spark. It’s like adding a splash of color to your present, reminding you of the journey you’re on as a couple. As you relive these moments, you’ll find your connection growing stronger, ready to create new memories for the future.
  5. Choose Empathy & Understanding Over Disappointment – Practice empathy by placing yourself in your partner’s shoes. Understand their perspective, and work collectively to address concerns that might have led to this feeling of disconnection. There might be something that’s bothering your partner but they aren’t opening up about it due to the gaps in your relationship. Work together on creating bridges where there are gaps.
  6. Remember: Patience and Resilience are Important – Transformation takes time. Progress might not be instantaneous, but the seeds you sow today will eventually bear fruit. Patience and resilience are virtues that will serve you well on this journey.

Bottom line, love doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s more like that jar of pickles at the back of the fridge – sometimes forgotten but still good when you rediscover it. This chapter of your story is all about embracing the chaos and making your own magic. Therefore, continue infusing a little love into your relationship every day; after all, that’s the secret to keeping it alive! 

Your Partner In Love and Life,

Dear Eliza

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With bucket loads of love and positivity!

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